A Contemplation on Gratitude Posted November 16, 2001 In giving gifts, we give what we can spare, but in giving thanks, we give ourselves. The above is a quote from one of my favorite spiritual writers, David Steindl-Rast. This Benedictine monk held gratitude up to the light like a pure, clear sapphire and showed me facets of it I'd never before considered. Back when I went to Unity Church, a big thing was to have a "gratitude partner" with whom you would meet every day and share ten things from the previous day for which you were thankful. In the beginning, it was really cool because it made me aware of gratitude; but after a while I'd be sitting there at night pawing through the day to find things for my list. The beautiful sunshine; being able to pay my bills; my music collection; safe travel. Basically, it was a laundry list. I was acknowledging these things, but it was a very stepped down, intellectualized affair. I know what it is to be grateful. When fully experienced, gratitude is a peak experience right up there with passion. To truly live in a state of gratitude is as good a definition of enlightenment as I can think of. Surprise is the starting point. Through surprise, our inner eyes are opened to the amazing fact that everything is gratuitous. Nothing at all can be taken for granted. I know this! A girl who grew up across the street from me died of ALS, so I have a vivid and personal picture of what it is like not to be able to walk to the mailbox or scratch an itch. She often comes to mind as I do some simple thing or as I bitch about something stupid. And every once in a while, there is a genuine experience of gratitude...but not all that often. It's hard to feel gratitude for what we expect to be there, yet the sight of a bluebird or the first crocus after a hard winter can really fill the heart. When love is new and we are surprised that he or she really loves us back, we are truly grateful for the endearing way they know us so well they can finish our sentences. Five years down the road, we get upset because they keep interrupting us. It's hard for me to fill with gratitude over the fact that I have a computer or can see the words on the screen; yet, of course I'm grateful for these things. Aren't I? Somehow I only start to approach it when I consider the possibility of their loss. Some of the most superfluous things are the most important for us because they give meaning to our human life. It's true when we write, for sure. By invoking "the comforting sound of red corduroy pant legs swishing as he counted the steps to school," we give the reader a big chunk of our character with just a few words about a minor detail. The same is true of life. If you want to know what gives meaning, look to what the insurance company couldn't replace. In our hurry and busyness, though, we often forget. No time to light candles; doesn't occur to keep fresh cut flowers around; music is often in the background, rarely in the foreground; the stories that previous generations shared over and over are in danger of being lost. We have little time for the gracious things in life. Our poems and stories do not validate us unless they contribute to the bottom line. The Steindl-Rast quote that almost brings tears to my eyes when I really get it is: Thanksgiving, where it is genuine, does not primarily look at the gift and express appreciation, it looks at the giver and expresses trust. That's one to meditate on. What it says is so true, yet almost impossible to grasp with the rational mind. In that split second of gratitude, there comes a subliminal understanding of all that is and our place within it. Through gratitude, real intimacy is exchanged. Happiness is not what makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us happy. I once worked with a woman who was divorced and living from paycheck to paycheck. She recounted how disgruntled she used to be sunning herself on the 25-foot boat she and her ex owned when most of the other boats in the marina were much bigger. How many people do you know with bucks and looks and family who are focused on what they don't have? It really is true that you can't be in gratitude and suffering at the same time. That wasn't from David Steindl-Rast, but from my Native American teacher Ron. He said it in a very hot sweat lodge when lots of us were ready to hear it. He got it from his grandmother. Who can distinguish the giver from the receiver in the final kiss of gratitude? When one truly gives and another truly receives, both enter a space that encompasses both giving and receiving. Any giving that does not ultimately pull us into gratitude is, at least to some extent, about power. It is not more blessed to give than to receive, for to give without receiving is to be in a state of pride, which is one of the seven deadlies. Things given from spaces of charity or obligation create huge chasms between people. To get the full experience, we need to be in touch with what we get when we give. I think it isn't until we get to a place where we genuinely feel gratitude through our giving that we come to an experience of life that is truly connected and authentic. I think if we could find the leisure to maintain a relationship of gratitude with life itself, we would be perpetually in love. HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! (The above quotes are from David Steindl-Rast's books Gratefulness: The Heart of Prayer and A Listening Heart.) |
